Hey guys! Long time; no speak. Today do I have a story for you! This past Saturday, May 1st, was my nieces’ first birthday party. Actually she is my girlfriend’s niece but I treat her nephews and nieces like they are my own. Her family lives about an hour and a half away from where we live. I have not driven down to see them in little over three or four years. The only time I would see her family is when they would take the trip to come see us at our house. My girlfriend would go down to see them from time to time without me due to everything I was going through. Since I have been working on myself, my goal was to be able to make it to her first birthday. I was scared, nervous, and even doubted myself the whole time leading up to that day.
Luckily the day before our trip I had an appointment with my therapist. I shared my concerns with her and she went through a technique I could use that I would like to share with you guys. It is a grounding technique that uses your senses. She told me to name three things I can see, three things I can hear, and three things I can smell. After doing all of that, I should move three parts of my body working from the head down and end with grounding my feet to the floor. Thankfully I didn’t have to use that technique but it is always good to have it in my back pocket. My therapist is also helpful and reminds me she is always there for me whenever I need her. She gave me the option to call her anytime that day if I needed her. Although I didn’t have to call her, it is nice to know that she is always there and goes above and beyond for her clients. There are not a lot of therapists out there that would do what she does so I am beyond lucky to have her.
I’m not going to go into detail about my relationship with my girlfriend’s family and I. However, I will say that her family can be very toxic and can be triggering for me. I want you guys to know that so you know how hard and big it was for me to take that trip down there and attend the party. It was important to me that I go to bed at a decent time the night before and that was exactly what I did. At first it was hard for me to fall asleep because my mind was all over the place but I went to bed around 11pm. We didn’t have to be up until 9:30-10 to be on the road by 10:30 because we were getting ready at her sisters house before going to the party. When I woke up I felt the anxiety and nervousness come to surface. I decided to take a shower to wake myself up and it actually helped me feel a little better. Before I knew it, it was time to go. The direction our GPS was taking us was towards my brothers’ house, which helped me feel more comfortable. My brother lives about 22-25 minutes away from me so I told myself the trip was basically only an hour away. The drive didn’t feel that long and maybe that is because we stopped to get coffee on our way down. Sadly, the coffee was horrible so I basically wasted about 20 dollars at Dunkin’ Donuts. We usually love their coffee but I think it was the location we went to that was bad so needless to say, we will never go to that exact location ever again. I like my coffee with a lot of cream and some sugar but there wasn’t enough cream and they didn’t put any sugar in either of our coffees. On the drive down we listening to music and my girlfriend actually gave me control of the radio. Usually she puts on what she wants but since she knew it was going to be hard for me she let me put on whatever I wanted to listen to.
We actually made good timing and arrived to her sisters’ house around noon. The party didn’t start until 2 so we had time to relax and eat breakfast. We were also able to spend some time with her other niece and nephew’s that live there. Since we don’t see them that often it was nice to play and bond with them for a little. When we got to the party it was a little awkward at first for me because I don’t really see her extended family that much. My girlfriend is not really close with her extended family as much as her sister’s are. As time went on I became more comfortable at the party. I was joking around with her cousins and took pictures with her family. It wasn’t as bad as I expected and I am happy I went because I had fun. We even went back to her sister’s house after the party was over to spend a little more time with everyone. They grilled burgers and steaks on the grill while the kids played out front. We didn’t leave until 8:30pm and didn’t get home until after 10pm. My girlfriend and I even plan to go back down there on Friday for an early Mother’s Day. Her mother passed away so I thought it would be nice to pay her a visit with some flowers. I am beyond proud of myself for the progress I have made in the past few months. First birthday parties are important and I am happy I didn’t miss this event. For the past 3-4 years I have missed out on a lot of milestones and events due to my mental state. However, I am now working my butt off to make sure I never miss anything important ever again. Every day is a struggle and I recognize that. It will never be easy for me but I have to keep fighting and pushing myself but I have to remember to not be too hard on myself at the same time. So with that being said I would like to wish my niece a Happy First Birthday! I love you.